Photos and story by Tina Kramer
I was about seven years old and unable to enter our home because the door was locked. As I started banging on the door, a feeling of panic swept over me. In that moment of terror, I banged on the glass door so hard that my fist went through the glass. I don’t remember the details, but I still have two scars on my left arm to mark the event.
Why did I freak out? What caused me to react as if my life was in danger?
If you have gone to counseling, you’ve probably heard of the term “triggers.” Triggers are “anything — including memories, experiences, or events — that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood.”1
I don’t like triggers. I seem to have an overabundance of them. From a distance, I seem like a confident lady who knows what she’s doing, but on the inside there is a little girl who fears she will be wounded again.
I keep moving forward, my adult self and the broken little girl, looking forward to the day when both of us will heal from the past.
Those two scars on my wrist serve as a reminder, a reminder that God heals all wounds.
He heals the wounds that others have given to me.
He heals the wounds that I have given to others.
He heals me from my shame.
He heals me from my guilt.
He lifts my crestfallen face and looks at me with joy.
He says, “You are mine.”
“Oh, my Lord, but I have failed so many times,” I reply.
“Do you see those scars in My hands, child?” says the Savior. “When I see those scars in My hands, I remember that all your failures were forgiven the day you put your trust in Me. You are forgiven. You are cleansed. You are healed.”
“Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.’” (John 20:27 NIV)
Prayer
Jesus,
Today I choose to believe that You can heal all wounds. Today I look at Your scars and remember that all my failures, all my sin, all my rebellion was taken care of at the cross.
I am forgiven.
I am cleansed.
I am healed.
I am holding on to You. Help me to stop doubting and in simple child-like faith believe in You!
In Your Precious Name,
Amen
Top photo is part of a mosaic at the Hilltop playground in Lebanon, PA. Autumn Krouse and bunch of volunteers put it together last summer. Thank you Autumn for using your gift of art to build community and bring beauty to our city!
Update on my health:
According to the latest CT scan, the enlarged lymph node in my lung has not increased in size. Blood work shows that some of my Epstein-Barr Virus numbers have decreased. My energy level is increasing and my emotions are more stable. In summary, I am getting stronger and healing. Thank you for your prayers!
I ask that you would pray that I would adjust to the Cpap machine. The lung doctor thinks my sleep apnea is causing the fatigue. I tried wearing it last night, it feels so awkward and triggers my anxieties. Pray that I can learn to sleep with this machine.
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