During the process of remodeling, Aidan’s heart picture is removed from the wall. Faithfully, it hung in our bathroom for years, a memory of our son’s elementary school days. Yearning to save its memory, I grab my phone and snap a photo. I have always enjoyed displaying our children’s artwork around the home, and this creation carries a message.
The heart is divided: two different colors on each half of the heart. Gazing at this division, I think about my own heart. On my good days, I am lifting my hands in praise, and my heart is filled with faith and gratitude. But there are other days that a darkness invades the sunshine of my soul, casting a menacing shadow of doubt. Thoughts like: “Why should I pray? God is going to do what He wants to do anyway,” or “Nothing is going to change. What is the use in trying?”
The war within my heart is raging back-and-forth between faith and doubt, hope and despair. It reminds me of something my aunt Barb would tell me. She said that there are two lions inside your heart that are fighting. Which one will win? The one you feed.
Today I will feed the lion of faith. My way to fight despair is to sing songs of faith. I especially enjoy listening to songs about God’s love for me.
Will you join me in singing “Oh How He Loves You and Me”?
Prayer
Father God,
Your love will not let me go. During days of doubting, You love me. During days of drifting, You love me. When the waves of anger smash against my soul, You hold me tight and whisper Your love for me. There is nothing that can separate me from Your love. No trauma, no fear, nor triggers or despair are too deep for the light of Your love to shine through. Somehow, You and I are going to pull through this storm, and when that day comes, I will be shouting Your praises at the top of my lungs. “My Jesus got me. My Jesus is not going to leave me. My Jesus and I are going to be victorious!”
And all God’s people said, “AMEN!”
Shout out to the U-turn ladies and men. May God continue to strengthen you on your journey to recovery. Thank you for the many ways you serve the body of Christ at Calvary Chapel.
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