The test results pop up on my cell phone in large black letters stating: NEGATIVE FOR MALIGNANT CELLS.
Diagnosis: Lymphadenopathy. I am relieved at the “negative for malignant cells” part but left wondering about the diagnosis. Why is the lymph node in my lung enlarged? Why did it light up during the PET scan? Why am I so tired?
A phone call from the doctor reveals that they want to continue to monitor my lungs and I will need another CT scan in November. Blood work, hospital stays, chest pain, heart and lung scans. . . after all this, and still no definitive answers.
What God is teaching me through this ordeal?
- God has blessed me with a large, loving family. So many friends and family members are praying. Many have helped with meals. I am amazed by how many people truly care.
- God is teaching me to trust. I am a controlling person by nature; controlling my environment is how I cope with anxiety. Now, I have little control of what is happening in my body. I have to trust because life is out of my control.
- God is using me to be a blessing to others. In the emergency room, in the pre-op room, in the waiting room- God has brought people into my life. They are watching as I hurt, pray, praise, sing, struggle. . . I trust that this ordeal has not been in vain, and that God will use it somehow to display His faithfulness.
Today my pastor prayed for me. Today my oldest son, Kenny, and his wife, Haley, spent the afternoon with us. Today is a gift. Each pain-free breath is a gift. Each good night’s sleep, each hug from a friend, each laugh, each smile. . . so many things we take for granted every day.
“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” Psalm 118: 24
Good Evening Father,
Forgive me for taking so many gifts for granted. There are glimpses of glory all around us if only we have eyes to see. Life is a precious gift; our spouse and children are a treasure; our friends are rare jewels. As we count our blessings, the dark clouds of “What if… ” give way to a sunrise of HOPE!
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