Memory 1984
Time to chop wood! We walk into the woods and find a tall tree. Normally, a chainsaw would quickly do the job, but the young lumberjacks are anxious to test their strength, and so they grab an axe and start to chop. They chop and chop till their arms ache and they have to release the axe to the next in line. They are young, but they are strong and refuse to give up. With great satisfaction they chop until the tree is almost chopped through. Together they push on the tree and yell, “Timber” at the top of their lungs. The tree crashes to the ground with a thunderous boom, and the three lumberjacks cheer that the giant has finally fallen.
What an exhilarating experience! What a great memory of working together to conquer a giant task.
Then and Now
Then I had giant trees to conquer. Now I have other giants to battle. Giant questions loom over me. “Is God good? Can I trust Him?” As I wade through the grief of the past, I am tempted to doubt God’s goodness. These questions are part of going through the Wall. What is the Wall?
“For most of us the Wall appears through a crisis that turns our world upside down. It comes , perhaps, through a divorce, a job loss, the death of a close friend or family member, a cancer diagnosis. . . a betrayal, a shattered dream. . .a dryness or loss of joy in our relationship with God. We question ourselves, God, the church. . . .We don’t know where God is, what he is doing, where he is going, how he is getting us there, or when this will be over.”1
Peter Scazzero
Often during this journey I found myself asking “Why?” Why would God allow so much pain and trauma to happen to me when I was so young and innocent?
I wrestled with God, until I realized that at the heart of this battle is this question: Is God good? The Evil One has been causing us to question God’s goodness since he tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. It is our Adversary who slanders our Heavenly Father’s good name. Death, suffering, pain, and trauma are the result of living in a world cursed by sin. I may never know why there was so much trauma in my life, but I am okay with waiting till my Abba makes all things clear to me.
The giants are starting to fall in my life. My Abba and I are chopping them down with the Sword of the Spirit. Together He and I cheer another victory!
Scripture
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:15 NIV)
“David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down. . . .” (I Samuel 17:45-46 NIV)
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12 NIV)
Prayer
Abba, My Heavenly Father,
What a privilege to work alongside of You! You don’t need me, but You choose to call me to Your side. With Your power, You enable me to conquer the giants that have held me captive. I don’t need to hang my head in shame. I am Your precious daughter, and You have redeemed me. It doesn’t matter what others think about me; all that matters is that I belong to You. You will never leave me, and Your love for me is not based on my performance. You love me unconditionally. Help me to show that unconditional love to others.
Father God, I don’t understand why there was so much trauma in my life, but I am choosing to let go and trust You. You know better than me. You are good. You are faithful. Your way is better than my way. You love me – and that’s all I need to know.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Top photo by Pexels.com
Shout out to Aidan. Dad and I are so proud of you! Thank you for spending time with Joseph so dad and I can go on a date tonight.
- Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2014) p 101 ↩︎
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