Written by Tina Kramer
Memory from 1988
Laughter fills the air as the teacher creates a class religion. She asks the students what will be the name of their god. Internally, my young heart burns with righteous indignation. How dare they mock my faith! With zealous fortitude, I stand up and declare my strong vexation at this scoffing. Honestly, I can’t remember what came out of my mouth, but I knew something needed to be said. My heart is still pounding when I sit back down and feel the classroom of eyes staring at me. When the class is dismissed, the teacher meets me at the door and says, “I hope you weren’t offended by what we did in class today.” Quickly I respond by smiling and saying, “No.”
Reflection
Why did I lie? Why didn’t I tell the teacher how upset I truly was? Because I was a fawn. “What is a fawn?” you ask.
“. . . fawning is a trauma response where a person behaves in a people-pleasing way to avoid conflict and establish a sense of safety (Fenkel).”1
Most likely you are familiar with terms like the fight or flight response when someone faces traumatic situations, but fawning is also a response to trauma.
What are the characteristics of the fawn trauma response?
Total neglect of personal needs and boundaries
Katy Kandaris-Weiner, LPC
Giving constant praise and compliments, even if it is not authentic
Inability to say “no”
Being a people pleaser
Having no sense of personal identity
Hypervigilance and awareness of others’ moods and emotions
Unaware of one’s own emotions and feelings
Looks to others to find answers to how they feel or “should” feel
Makes themselves as helpful and useful as possible to others
Grants every wish and demand of others.2
It is especially difficult for a trauma fawn to say no to someone in authority.
I was a trauma fawn, but the Savior is turning me into a lion. Watch out world, me and my Jesus are about to ROAR!
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