1982
Bradford County, PA
Rocks everywhere! When God created the earth, He dumped all the extra rocks in Bradford County. A blue Ford tractor puffs a rhythmic trail of gray clouds as it pulls the red trailer full of rocks. Picking up rocks- a necessary task for the fields to be fruitful. Picking up rocks- a task for my cousins and I to complete on Saturday morning after the livestock has been fed. This rock looks like the letter “L” and that rock is covered in fossils. “Lifter of the heaviest rock” is the title I want to win. I am 11 years old and determined to prove that I am as strong as any boy my age. If you doubt me, I will arm wrestle you any day!
That was me back then, when I prided myself on being strong and tough. Today, I am in a different place, a much different place.
Today, I need to lay down after taking a shower.
Today, I need help lifting myself up.
Today, I ask for assistance as I climb the stairs.
Today, I am weak, tired, and broken.
If I was 80 years old, this state of weakness would be understandable. But I am only 53 and prior to a few months ago, I was an active, healthy woman.
Weakness is not a popular word. It belongs with words like: timid, frail, and wimpy. Who wants to be weak? Weak is lame!
But God has a different perspective. In the letter to the church in Corinth, God says: “My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
What does this mean? How can God’s strength be made perfect through my weakness?
Perhaps tomorrow I will research this topic and find an explanation that fills me with hope. Tomorrow.
Today, I need to vent.
God, I am angry. I do not like asking for help. I do not like being stuck inside on a beautiful day. I do not like being left behind while others have fun.
I am sad and mad. I am tired and scared. I am . . . in need of a hug.
Abba Father,
Don’t forget about me. I feel alone. Where are you when I pray that the nurse will get my vein and she misses? Where are you when I have chest pains and fear another spasm in my arteries?
Too much, Lord. It’s too much. I started this blog because I was having emotional struggles and now my body is falling apart. Have mercy, Father God. Please!
I will hang on to You. I will cling to the Shepherd of my soul. He is my shield. He is my fortress.
Abba, hold me tight. This is a hard path and I cannot do it without Your strength.
Today, I am leaning on You because all my strength is gone.
Today, I will count my blessings.
Thank You for:
My husband graciously bringing breakfast upstairs to my bedroom.
A brother who helps me climb the stairs.
A sister who prays for me.
A picture of Jesus in the clouds with His arms opened wide.
Friends bringing meals to our home.
A hymn reminding me that I can trust You, TODAY, even when Your ways are mysterious to me.
P.S. Since writing this blog my health has improved. Thank you for your prayers!
healinghope4women 