Pills

by Tina Kramer

Caution: this blog contains traumatic events

February 1977

The box in mommy’s hand has a man wearing a turban, sleeping on a bed of nails. We walk from the drugstore back to our home. While sitting on her bed, she tells me things about heaven-how I will be safe there. She starts to feed the pills to me, and I obey by swallowing.

“Mommy, I can’t eat any more,” says I.

Mommy puts the pills in applesauce and continues to feed the pills to me.

Pill after pill enters my mouth. I start to feel woozy.

“Mommy, I don’t feel good.”

Soon I begin to vomit all over mommy’s bed.

Reflection

What kind of little girl would allow her mother to feed her sleeping pills? Why didn’t I say, “No!”? I trusted my mother. I loved her. But she was broken and almost killed me.

Soon after this event, a court hearing took place, and my father became my legal guardian. It was so wonderful to see my father again and sit on his lap.

The judge asked me, “Who would you rather live with, your father or your mother?”

My mind decides that it is daddy’s turn. Leaving the courtroom, I say good-bye to my mother. She is weeping. Even though my mommy is broken, I am sad to leave her.

Reflection and Prayer

Lord, that was such a scary time. But You were with me. You saved my life.

Growing up with a mentally ill parent is very difficult. Many times I wished my mother was “normal.” While I was in college, there was a role reversal-she was like a needy child, and I was like her parent.

How did these events impact my life? Because of my past, I am sensitive to those who struggle with mental health problems. One of the reasons I write these blogs is to encourage those who are struggling.

Perhaps you are hurting today. Maybe you have a loved one who is experiencing a mental health crisis. Or perhaps you yourself have a mental health diagnosis. May I share my heart with you? I understand your pain. Let me pray for you.

Father God,

We live in a broken world in which so many are hurting. I pray especially for those who are struggling today. It is difficult to share with others about mental health challenges. We fear people will reject us or think less of us. We ask that you would surround us with your shield of protection. Guard our minds from the attacks of the evil one. Replace anxiety with faith, depression with joy, rage with peace. Calm the racing thoughts and remove the layers of confusion. Give us courage to continue serving you. You will strengthen us for the battle. We will be victorious in your name.

Because Jesus lives, we can face tomorrow!

Amen

Sing with me: Because He Lives

Thank you for keeping our family in your prayers during this time of healing.

Good News

The doctor informed me yesterday that the nodules in my thyroid are not cancerous! God is answering our prayers!