The fridge needs to be moved to prepare for the kitchen remodeling project. Sean and Aidan work together to push it into the living room. Once the fridge is moved, I look with disgust at the grime and gunk left behind. Oh my, what a mess! It was so much easier to not know about the yucky stuff hiding under the fridge. Now that it has been exposed, the yuck must be removed.
During therapy sessions, yucky stuff is often exposed that has been lurking in my heart for decades. During our last session, a memory from our time overseas rose to the surface. Suddenly, I am overseas, sitting in the back of a taxi. Sean is sitting in the front conversing with the driver. In his native tongue, the driver asks Sean if he plans to get another wife while he is living in this new land where it is common practice for a man to have more than one wife. Sean quickly reminds the driver that when God created the first man, he gave him only one wife. Meanwhile, I am fuming in the back seat, and the rage of that event came out during therapy. It is yucky stuff that has been lurking in my soul for a very long time.
“The prisoner that it really frees is you. Forgiveness.”
Matthew West
Forgiveness is the cleaner I need for this gunk in my heart. Forgiveness does not come easy. Every time I think of that taxi driver, I want to slug him. Even after I made the concious decision to forgive him, the rage continues to erupt when I remember what he said. To combat the rage, I go through the steps of forgiveness again. I am trusting that God will bring His healing touch to this very raw wound in my soul.
I remember Pastor Thom talking about the struggle of forgiveness and our emotions. He used his arms to demonstrate a gauge that spikes high when we are upset and slowly comes down as we walk in obedience.
Prayer
Father God,
I confess, there’s a lot of yucky stuff stuck inside me. I need Your supernatural power to forgive and let go of bitterness. I don’t want to become a spiteful old lady who is stuck in the tar pits of bitterness. I commit my rage and pain into Your hands. I choose to let go of my desire to get even. I pray that the taxi driver would surrender his life to You. You have forgiven me of so many things, and I need to share that same forgiveness with others. I am trusting that You will give me the strength and perseverance to do so.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Scripture
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:12-13 NIV)
Shout out to my husband and kiddos for helping us move heavy stuff and empty the kitchen for the remodel. I am so grateful for all of you. Thanks for being gracious with me when I was grumpy and uptight. As Joseph reminded me this morning, “Mom, there’s nothing to be worried about.”
Photo by Joseph Kramer
